christinefriar:

My buddy Spencer’s acting reel is phenomenal.

Ladies and gents, this is how it’s done.

Any updates?
Anonymous

I lost my mojo for mocking strangers.  :(   Pity me.

The Hollywood sign, as seen from Space.*

* Editor’s Note: This might actually be from an airplane, says GoogleMaps Wikipedia.  But good news—it’s still adorable.  Also, it looks a lot like the beginning of Beetlejuice, so extra points there.

The Hollywood sign, as seen from Space.*

* Editor’s Note: This might actually be from an airplane, says GoogleMaps Wikipedia.  But good news—it’s still adorable.  Also, it looks a lot like the beginning of Beetlejuice, so extra points there.

As the infamous 2012 end date fast approaches, our mailbox overflows with end-of-times literature from all across the globe.  Because when the world is about to end, the logical thing to do is warn Hollywood.  It would seem.
This one came as a little booklet, and I’m really quite fond of it.  Despite the fact that it reads like a drunken caveman who watched a Nat Geo special on the San Andreas fault last week and can’t quite remember what it was about, the little film strips were a really nice touch.

As the infamous 2012 end date fast approaches, our mailbox overflows with end-of-times literature from all across the globe.  Because when the world is about to end, the logical thing to do is warn Hollywood.  It would seem.

This one came as a little booklet, and I’m really quite fond of it.  Despite the fact that it reads like a drunken caveman who watched a Nat Geo special on the San Andreas fault last week and can’t quite remember what it was about, the little film strips were a really nice touch.

I’m sad that this doesn’t make a lick of sense because it seems like fun.

I’m sad that this doesn’t make a lick of sense because it seems like fun.

Quick tip:  Headshots and resumes are typically more effective when you present yourself as an able bodied actor and less like a Civil War ghost who figured out how to use a Xerox machine and fudge an acting resume.

Remember kids:  it’s important to share Jesus with your co-stars on Days of Our Lives.

Remember kids:  it’s important to share Jesus with your co-stars on Days of Our Lives.

Ya, well… a return address is not the proper forum for insults, Sir.

Ya, well… a return address is not the proper forum for insults, Sir.

Someone was kind enough to offer up this sweet deal on Yoga Journal.  Unfortunately, we don’t accept bribes.  (Note transcribed below.)

"A gift to you, [blank].  Doctors swear by this yoga.  Norman Mailer did yoga.  It’s not phoney exercise as I’d always thought it.  In a word, this is some goddamn hard mother-fucking exercise, I shit you not."

#richpeopleproblems
(From Alan Ball’s Wikipedia page)

#richpeopleproblems

(From Alan Ball’s Wikipedia page)

I know this event looks so fucking cool, and you’re probably all mad that you missed it, but surprise!  You actually lucked out because it took place at the Scientology Centre.  I live in the general vicinity, so I get flyers for their creepy recruiting family-friendly events on a bi-weekly basis, and I gotta say…  well done on this one, Scientology.  Bravo.  I was this close to showing up. 
It’s just funny to me because when I was growing up, our church had flea markets where I’d get my face painted and come home with a bag full of yarn octupuses and a bunch of baby Jesuses made out of toilet paper rolls and I was happy as a clam.  What happened to the simple stuff??  Once you whip out the endangered species where do you go from there, ya know?   No one is taking a fucking personality test after they’ve spent some quality time with a monkey, I’ll tell you that.

I know this event looks so fucking cool, and you’re probably all mad that you missed it, but surprise!  You actually lucked out because it took place at the Scientology Centre.  I live in the general vicinity, so I get flyers for their creepy recruiting family-friendly events on a bi-weekly basis, and I gotta say…  well done on this one, Scientology.  Bravo.  I was this close to showing up. 

It’s just funny to me because when I was growing up, our church had flea markets where I’d get my face painted and come home with a bag full of yarn octupuses and a bunch of baby Jesuses made out of toilet paper rolls and I was happy as a clam.  What happened to the simple stuff??  Once you whip out the endangered species where do you go from there, ya know?   No one is taking a fucking personality test after they’ve spent some quality time with a monkey, I’ll tell you that.

Oh, and you’re crazy.  Thanks for the heads up.

Oh, and you’re crazy.  Thanks for the heads up.

I think I might call this girl just to see if she wants to hang out.  She seems like fun.  And like someone who could use a friend.

I think I might call this girl just to see if she wants to hang out.  She seems like fun.  And like someone who could use a friend.

Sold.

Sold.

Oh!  Haha!  Ya— no, that usually just means you’re loud and obnoxious.

Oh!  Haha!  Ya— no, that usually just means you’re loud and obnoxious.